Bumming With Pineapple
by BarettaVendetta
Summary: The Ino-Shika-Chou trio reminisce about how they got together in the first place, and how they got their name. And no, it's not a yaoi fic, despite what the title says.


**Bumming With Pineapple**

**Disclaimer: rearrange the following words: Naruto, don't, Kishimoto, I, own, does, Masashi.**

It was a warm spring evening in Konoha, and Chouji Akimichi and Ino Yamanaka - along with their respective fathers, their team mate Shikamaru Nara (who had become a chuunin some time earlier) and his father Shikaku - were celebrating their promotion to chuunin.

"Just out of interest," said Ino, "how did you three meet in the first place?"

"Yeah," added Chouji, "I don't think you've ever told us that story."

"Surely I have," Chouza protested. Chouji shook his head. "No, really, Dad, you haven't. Trust me on this, I'd know if you have."

"It's not _that _interesting," said Shikaku dismissively. He wondered why Inoichi and Chouza had suddenly both started grinning at him. The three teenagers were intrigued; evidently, their fathers had some kind of history.

"You're holding something back, aren't you, Dad?" ventured Shikamaru. "Go on, tell us. Did Akimichi-san and Yamanaka-san bully you or something?"

"I wouldn't call it _bullying_, exactly," Inoichi protested. Ino raised her eyebrows. Her father was, after all, on Konoha's Interrogation Squad. She wouldn't be surprised if he'd bullied a few small children in his time.

"So," said Chouji, leaning forward eagerly, "who's going to tell the story?"

Shikaku sighed. _This is such a pain in the arse_, he thought. But there was no harm in telling the kids.

"OK," he said at long last, and leaned back, his arms behind his head. "It all started when I was seven years old..."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Shikaku lay on the grass, staring up at the clouds, looking for shapes hidden in the sky. Along with playing with the deer in his clan's park, it was one of his favourite pastimes. He could happily lie on the grass for hours and watch the clouds moving gently in the sky, as long as it was a clear, sunny day and his parents weren't bossing him around, trying to make him do chores or practice manipulating his shadow. Shikaku was a bright child, but any form of physical exertion tired and irritated him.

He was rudely interrupted when something fell on him. The something appeared to be a small, skinny blond child of indeterminate gender around his age, with shoulder length hair and studs in its ears. It was wearing an orange t-shirt and khaki shorts, and was panting.

"Gerroff," came Shikaku's voice from under the child. "I'm trying to watch the cloudth."

"Sorry," panted the child. "I'm being chased...didn't see you."

"How could you not thee me?" said Shikaku, irritated. "There'th grath all over the plathe, you can't mith me."

"You talk funny," said the child, picking itself up off Shikaku and dusting itself down. Shikaku felt his face burning up. He hated it when people made fun of his speech impediment, which, he believed, was caused by his teeth being out of place. At least, he thought that was the reason, either that or some evil ninja had put a curse on his clan.

"Do not."

"Yes you do," said the child. It suddenly vanished from view, and Shikaku realised it was trying to hide behind him.

"Don't uthe me ath a hiding plathe," he growled at the child, who had suddenly turned white and was trying to make itself even smaller. "Go and hide in the butheth."

"He's coming," whimpered the child.

"Who?" asked Shikaku, puzzled. The answer to his question appeared only seconds later, when a huge boy with red hair emerged from the bushes and bellowed, "INOICHI!"

The blond child squealed and rolled up into a ball.

"Go 'way," said Shikaku, even more irritated than before. "I'm trying to watch the cloudth."

"_I'm trying to watch the cloudth_," mimicked the boy. "I can seeeee yooooouuuu, Inoichi." The blond child squealed again.

"Go 'way," repeated Shikaku. "You're annoying me."

The red-haired boy ignored him, reached out a fat little hand and grabbed the child, who Shikaku realised was called Inoichi, by the shirt, dragging him towards him.

"I-I-I d-d-didn't m-m-mean it," gasped Inoichi. "B-b-but it's true. Y-you are fat."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

Shikaku decided enough was enough and stood up. "Ith that why you're chathing him? Becauthe he called you fat?"

"Yes," growled the red-haired boy. "Not that it's any of your business. Who _are_ you, anyway?"

"I'm Thikaku Nara," said Shikaku, "from the Nara clan."

"Well, _I'm_ Chouza Akimichi from the Akimichi clan," retorted the red-haired boy, "and Inoichi called me fat, an' he's a liar, 'cos I'm not fat, I'm big-boned."

"He'th not a liar," said Shikaku defiantly. "You _are_ fat." He doubled over in pain as Chouza socked him in the stomach.

"_Don't..call...me...fat...ever_," Chouza hissed. "Got it?"

"But...it'th...true," gasped Shikaku, holding his belly. Then he decided to go for the kill. "Inoichi'th only telling the truth. 'Coth you are fat. Fatty fatty fat fat McFatterthon."

"Shikaku, don't," squeaked Inoichi, as Chouza's face turned the same colour as his hair and he clenched both his fists.

Shikaku desperately racked his brain for a way to stop this obnoxious fat kid from hitting him again. He caught sight of Chouza's shadow, and realised he had to act fast if he didn't want to get beaten up. Maybe all this training with his mum and dad was going to come in handy after all.

"The thealth," he said to himself, "what _are_ they? Rabbit? Okth? Bird...no, come on, Thikaku, think...what wath it...a little animal...oh yeah! The Rat!" He placed one hand on top of the other in the seal of the Rat, and cried, "_Kage Mane no Jutthu_."

Inoichi stuck his tongue out at Chouza and sang, "Ner ner ner ner ner ner", while Shikaku placed his hands on top of his head and wiggled them about, forcing Chouza to do the same.

"Pick on thomeone your own thithe," Shikaku said sternly. "Big bully."

Then he noticed Chouza was drooling.

"You look..." said the big boy, "like...a pineapple. A big juicy pineapple." Inoichi snorted, and Shikaku gave him the finger...and looked down in horror to realise that his shadow jutsu was beginning to wear off. He had been so busy making Chouza dance that he had forgotten to concentrate on maintaining the jutsu. The two shadows broke apart.

"And you know what I do with pineapples?" Chouza added, licking his lips. Shikaku and Inoichi shook their heads, although they both knew what was coming.

"I _eat_ them!" Chouza finished triumphantly, making the seals of the Ram and the Bird, "and now I'm going to eat you. _Baika no Jutsu!_" Shikaku's eyes nearly fell out of his head as Chouza's body swelled up, making him look positively spherical. Inoichi looked equally amazed. Then he began to point and laugh.

"_Nikudan Sensha!_" shouted Chouza, and his arms, head and legs seemed to retreat into his body, like a tortoise hiding in its shell. He began to roll towards the two boys, who immediately began to run, thinking their enemy's weight would slow him down. Unfortunately, Chouza was surprisingly fast, and when Shikaku tripped over his own feet, he found himself trapped under the human ball, who promptly turned back into a normal human and began to pummel him. Shikaku hit back, and the two boys began to roll around on the ground, shouting rude words at each other.

Inoichi, sitting on the grass with his knees tucked under his chin, watched the fight with interest. He was kind of glad the huge ginger kid wasn't beating him up for once. Also, the wild flowers, he noticed, were looking particularly pretty today. As were the cherry blossoms. He liked flowers; his mum sold them. Sometimes she would let Inoichi help her with the window displays, or he would sit behind the counter and watch her at work.

"Get offa me, you fat beatht!"

"I'm not fat! I'm big boned!"

"Lieth! You are!"

"Shutupshutupshutup."

Inoichi could not help but laugh at the absurd spectacle. He thought of a pair of dogs he'd seen one day, a pair of dogs who'd been doing something incredibly weird. One of them had gotten on top of the other one, and its bum had been moving up and down, and the dogs looked like they were stuck together, and the bottom one was making lots of funny noises.

What were they doing again? Some older boy had said the dogs were doing something...beginning with a B...banging? Biting? No, that wasn't it...hang on...

"BUMMING!"

Chouza and Shikaku let go of each other and stared at Inoichi.

"Sorry," said the little blond kid apologetically, "it's just that's what you looked like you were doing."

Chouza snorted, and dusted himself down. He'd been in worse fights, but he had to admit the kid with the pineapple hair was pretty tough. And had sharp elbows at that.

"I don't like fighting," said Shikaku, "it'th troublethome. Let'th be friendth."

Chouza stared at him, open-mouthed.

"OK," said Inoichi cheerfully. He picked himself up and stood on his head.

"What did you thay your name wath?" asked Shikaku. "Wath it Inoshi or thomething?"

"I'm Inoichi Yamanaka," replied the little blond kid, "from the Yamanaka clan. My mummy sells flowers and my daddy's a ninja."

"My daddy's a ninja too," said Chouza proudly, forgetting his feud with Shikaku. "He's head of our clan. An' I'm going to be the next clan head an' I'll have lots of wives and they'll all cook my tea for me."

"You can't have lotth of wiveth," Shikaku interjected. "It'th not allowed."

"Well, I'll ask the Hokage then," Chouza retorted. "He'll let me. We're one of the Four Noble Clans of Konoha, so he has to."

Shikaku's eyes widened. His mum and dad had told him about the Four Noble Clans: the Uchiha clan and their magical red Sharingan eye that could copy anything; the Hyuuga clan and their Byakugan that could see for miles and miles ("Do they uthe it to look at ladieth in the onthen?" Shikaku had asked, and his mum and dad had laughed at him); the Aburame clan, who had entire colonies of insects inside their bodies and liked sunglasses and big coats; and the Akimichi clan, a clan of large shapeshifters with weird marks on their faces and a penchant for food. He vaguely knew the Hyuuga twins and a couple of Uchiha kids, but he'd never met an Akimichi before. He couldn't understand why this fat kid's parents had named him after a butterfly; in Shikaku's opinion, he looked more like a red oni, but he didn't want to say this, in case Chouza hit him again.

"Does your daddy make medicine?" Chouza asked Shikaku in a surprisingly friendly manner. "I heard he has lots 'n' lots of deer and he makes medicine out of their antlers." Shikaku nodded. "He'th a deer herder. We've got lotth of deer and they live in a park. I go there thometimeth." Then he remembered Chouza's rather cruel treatment of Inoichi, and added, "You better promithe me you won't bully him again or I'll come down there and I'll play with your thadow and make you pull down your pantth."

"As long as he doesn't call me fat," Chouza responded. "I don't like it when people call me fat."

"But..." Inoichi began, and Shikaku trod on his foot. "He'th not going to call you fat again."

"OK, Pineapple," said Chouza, pacified.

"Pineapple!" sang Inoichi. "Pineapple pineapple pineapple pineapple."

Shikaku glared at the small blond child.

"Pineapple yourthelf."

But it was too late. The nickname had stuck.

When Shikaku went home that night, he looked at himself in the mirror. He turned sideways, straining his eyes to look at his head in profile. Sure enough, his spiky ponytail looked like the leaves of a pineapple. Shikaku liked the taste of pineapples; they were hard to come by in Konoha and mostly came in juicy chunks in tins, but sometimes the market would stock them, in all their bristly glory.

"At leatht," he thought to himself, "I don't look like a _melon_."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Shikaku had been aching to practise the new jutsu his mum and dad had been teaching him. The previous week, Chouza had shoved his head down a toilet after Shikaku had nicked one of his crisps. Never mind that it was one crisp, the fact that Shikaku had nicked anything that would have otherwise ended up in Chouza's stomach was enough, and Shikaku had found himself being suspended upside-down by his ankles with his head in a toilet. Mercifully, no-one had used the toilet.

"Lgomnklskmchi," burbled the Nara kid as Chouza flushed the toilet. Chouza did as Shikaku asked, and Shikaku twisted his wiry body around a split-second manoeuvre that enabled him to land on his feet.

"It wath only one crithp, you big bathtard," he gasped, shaking his head like a dog and rubbing his eyes. "One. Meathly. Crithp."

"Oooooh," Chouza squealed, feigning shock for Inoichi's benefit, "Shikaku said a naughty word. I'm telling Sensei." Inoichi, however, was too busy drawing pictures of animals on the walls to notice.

Understandably, Shikaku was not happy. As he sat on the end of the row and the other kids filed in, an evil thought struck him. He looked down at the floor, at the shadow his leg made. He stretched his leg out in front of him, his toes pointing forward, and wiggled his foot back and forth to see what effect it would have on the length of his shadow. Sure enough, pointing his toes forward and down, as though he was trying on a new shoe, made his shadow longer. Add to that the shadow made by the desk and the light, not to mention the other row of desks..._yes._ A light went on in Shikaku's head.

Minutes later, Chouza came roaring in, rapidly stuffing food into his mouth, legged it up the stairs to where he usually sat – and fell flat on his face.

His first thought was that some rotter, probably Shikaku or Inoichi as it was the sort of thing they would do, had tied a piece of string or a wire across the aisle. But whatever it was, Chouza realised as he slid down the stairs on his belly like a slug and felt for wires with his foot, it was gone now. Either someone had cut it, or it wasn't a wire in the first place - it was a shadow. He propped himself up on one elbow and glared at Shikaku, who was sitting there with the most angelic of expressions on his face. He was up to his neck in it. Inoichi probably had had nothing to do with it, Chouza decided. He was probably daydreaming about Mikoto Uchiha again.

Chouza picked himself up with as much dignity as he could manage, ignored the laughter and catcalls, and squeezed himself into his seat. He would get that pineapple-headed brat.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Chouji was puzzled. "How did you three become friends if you were always bullying each other?"

"It wasn't like that!" Chouza argued, laughing. "We weren't always bullying each other! And anyway, we were just having a laugh most of the time. No harm was meant by it."

"That's seven year old boys for you, I guess," said Inoichi.

"_I_ wasn't like that," argued Shikamaru, and Chouji added, "Me neither!"

"Oh yes you were, kid," retorted Shikaku. "Once you two became friends, you were a right little pair of troublemakers. Remember when Sarutobi-sama chased you all over the school? Or when you knocked on people's doors and ran off? Or when you used to bunk off together with Naruto and Kiba?"

"I was never mean to Chouji," countered Shikamaru.

"You would have been if he was like his dad at that age," came the reply from Shikaku. Inoichi concurred. "Therein lies the difference. Chouji was a nice little kid. Chouza _wasn't_."

Chouza's already tiny eyes narrowed. "At least I didn't think I was a girl."

"Daddy?" Ino looked intrigued. "What's he on about?"

Inoichi buried his head in his hands. "It's not what it sounds like!"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Shikaku, Inoichi and Chouza, now all eight years old, were walking home from school. Sensei had told them that the Academy was going to run different classes specialising in different areas of ninjutsu, and along with the obligatory classes, each student could also do two different classes of their choice.

"I'm going to do _sui-ren_ and _bojutsu_," declared Chouza, "and they'll give me a stick and then I'm going to come and hit you with it."

"Well, I'll do my thadow jutthu on you then," said Shikaku. "I'm doing _kayakujutthu_ and _tenmon_. I'll be good at _tenmon_ 'coth I'm uthed to being round deer and my daddy taketh me to the park thometimeth. What about you, Inoichi? What clatheth are you going to do?"

"I'm going to do disguise and _ikebana_," Inoichi announced proudly. The other two stared at him.

"_Ikebana_," said Shikaku after a long pause, "ith for _girlth_."

"But my mummy runs a flower shop," Inoichi argued, "and I like flowers."

"That's a rubbish reason," said Chouza scornfully. "Gods, Inoichi, you'll be the only boy in the class. And they'll all laugh at you."

"Well then, I'll pretend to be a girl," said Inoichi, "and besides, no-one says boys can't do _ikebana_, so I'm going to do it, so _ner_." And he stuck out his tongue. _Can't argue with that,_ thought Shikaku, as Chouza stuck his tongue out at Inoichi and threw a stone at him.

The very next day, as Shikaku was on his way to the Academy, he saw a tiny figure in a women's kimono several sizes too big for it, chopsticks in its wispy blond hair. He pinched himself in disbelief. _Could it be...no, it couldn't_...oh hang on, the figure was waving at him and yelling, "Oi! Shikakuuuuu!"

"Why are you wearing a girlth' kimono?" Shikaku said when he had recovered from the shock of realising that it was, in fact, Inoichi in the kimono.

"Because then they'll let me do _ikebana_, stupid," said the Yamanaka kid.

"That doethn't make any thenthe."

"Does too. You said _ikebana_ was for girls. So maybe if I say I'm a girl, they'll let me on the course."

_Chouza,_ Shikaku thought, _is going to have a field day when he sees this. _"Inoichi," he said out loud, "you're really weird."

"No, I'm not," the other boy retorted, "I'm really pretty!" and he did a little twirl in his kimono.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ino was incredulous. "You really did that just to get into an _ikebana_ class?"

"Fraid so," said Inoichi, "and I told them I was Inoichi Yamanaka's twin sister. I totally believed what Shikaku said. Of course, they knew it was me. They saw the funny side of it though, said that boys were allowed into the class and they were glad to see a boy doing it..."

"You should have seen Chouza's face!" interjected Shikaku. "He took one look at Inoichi and was literally rolling on the floor."

"I was as well," said the Akimichi clan head. "Wasn't that the same week when you brought in those cards?"

"Ah, yes," said Shikaku fondly, "the cards."

"My round," Chouza said, heaving himself up, and went off to the bar. "You tell this one, Shikaku."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Look what I've got," announced Shikaku, producing a pack of cards from his pocket. "I got thethe off my mummy. They're called the _Hanafuda_."

Chouza yawned and pretended to fall asleep, but Inoichi was interested. He thought the cards looked pretty. Some of them had flower patterns on them; others had animals, sake cups, ribbons. He was intrigued. "How do you play with them cards, Shikaku?"

Shikaku explained. "The cardth all have pointth, OK? And the one with the motht pointth winth. There'th eight thpecial cardth with animalth and thingth on and they're worth ten pointth each. And there'th five _really_ thpecial cardth, The oneth with the ribbonth on are five pointth and all the other cardth, the oneth with jutht the flowerth on, are one point. There'th twelve thuitth, four cardth in each thuit, and they've all got diff'rent flowerth on them. Like July, the month I wath born in, it'th got buth clover and January, what Inoichi wath born in, it'th pine. Thee what I mean?"

"Bor-ing," said Chouza.

Shikaku glared at him. "No it ithn't. You're jutht too thtupid to underthtand."

"Your _face_ is stupid."

Shikaku ignored him and continued, "And I thought you guyth would like thith 'cauthe there'th thpecial cardth named after uth. An _Ino_ card, a _Thika_ card and a _Chou_ card."

"_Shika_," said Inoichi thoughtfully. "Hey, your family owns deer, don't they? Is that why you're called _Shika_ku? I mean, I got my name 'cos I was born in the year of the Boar."

"I think tho," said Shikaku. "Yeth, it ith. I think my mummy told me that'th how I got my name."

"_I_ got my name because a butterfly landed on my head when I was a baby," Chouza added.

"It thertainly ithn't becauthe you _look_ like one," said Shikaku rudely, "you look more like a pig than Inoichi doeth." Irritated at such rudeness, Chouza sat on him.

"Stop bumming with Pineapple," Inoichi said impatiently, "or I'll _Shintenshin_ you. I want to play with the cards."

Chouza rolled off Shikaku, who immediately took charge. He shuffled the cards and dealt them, and said, "I'll thow you how to play ath the game goeth along, OK?"

The boys began to play, with Shikaku as dealer, picking cards up, putting cards down, trying to work out how many points they had. To his chagrin, Shikaku noticed that he kept getting ordinary cards. Eventually, Chouza announced that he was bored already, and went to throw some shurikens at a nearby tree.

When the cards had nearly run out, Inoichi looked at his hand. Three cards stood out from the pack: a boar, a deer, and some butterflies. The _Ino-Shika-Chou _combo. Thirty points. Not to mention that he also had the Phoenix and Moon cards, both of which were worth twenty points each.

"I win!" yelled Inoichi, bouncing up and down, as Shikaku was sent flying by a large furry black and white object that seemed to have appeared from nowhere. The large furry black and white object was followed shortly after by a small girl who the boys recognised as being from the Inuzuka clan, due to the red fang-shaped marks on her cheeks. Inoichi recalled that it was Tsume Inuzuka, the clan head's daughter, who was two years below them at the Academy. Evidently, her parents had decided it was time to present her with her own _ninken_, who would act as her companion and fighting partner.

"Kuromaru!" called the girl. "Kuromarruuuuu! Here, boy!"

The puppy, who presumably was the 'Kuromaru' in question, yapped excitedly and licked Shikaku's face. Shikaku made a grimace of disgust. "Get off me," he said, recoiling from the excited dog.

"He likes you," said Tsume, patting the puppy's head. "Don't you? You like him, don't you, Kuromaru?"

Shikaku wrinkled his nose in disgust. "I don't like dogth," he said. "Dogth are thmelly."

"_You're _smelly," retorted the Inuzuka girl, as Kuromaru bounded into her arms. "C'mon, Kuromaru. Let's go." A stick whizzed past her ear, followed by Chouza shouting, "Fetch!"

"Fetch it yourself, fatty," said Tsume rudely. "I ain't no dog."

"Who're you calling 'fatty', you smelly bitch?" growled Chouza.

Tsume feigned looking around. "Well, I don't see no other fat people round here 'cept you, you fat pie."

"At least I don't _smell_," retorted Chouza, and Tsume threw herself at him. The pair rolled around on the ground, biting and scratching each other, while another small boy in a large coat and sunglasses approached Kuromaru, sat him on his lap, and began inspecting him carefully and picking something out of his fur. A few bugs were crawling over him here and there.

"Shibi?" Inoichi asked. "What are you doing?"

"Picking the fleas out of Kuromaru's coat," replied the boy, not looking up from the dog who sat obediently on his lap. "So I can take them home with me."

_Those crazy Aburames and their obsession with bugs,_ thought Inoichi. Aloud, he said, "Shikaku, you want another game?"

Shikaku turned away from watching the scrap between Chouza and Tsume and said, "Alright then. Betht out of three?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Ah, Tsume Inuzuka," said Chouji with a grin. "I still can't believe she went out with Dad. I mean, Kiba and I could have been brothers."

Chouza returned just in time to hear this, and said, "Let's not go there."

"And to think," said Shikaku, pouring oil on troubled waters, "you ended up fighting her of all people in the Chuunin Exams."

Chouza massaged his forehead. "Don't remind me."

"I," announced Inoichi, "was the only one who passed from our team."

"How funny," mused Shikamaru. "Same thing happened to us, remember, Dad? I was the only one who passed the first time round. Maybe next time, if our kids are all on the same team, it'll be Chouji's kid who passes first."

"Were you like us?" Ino wanted to know. "Were you straight out of the Academy?"

"We weren't rookies when we entered," said Shikaku. "although Tsume and her team were. To be honest, it never occurred to me that we'd end up on the same team. I thought I'd get put with some kids who weren't in clans and Chouza was going to end up with other nobility."

"So how old were you when you became genin, then?" Ino asked.

Shikaku scratched his chin while he tried to recall how old he'd been. Inoichi answered for him: "A bit younger than you three were. We were ten. Yondaime was in our year, incidentally – well, obviously he wasn't Yondaime then."

"You knew Yondaime?" cried all three members of Team 10.

"'Course we did," laughed Shikaku. "We weren't friends, but we liked him. I think he was one of the few kids in our class that Chouza wasn't a complete arsehole to."

"Do you want me to shove your head down the toilet, Pineapple?" said Chouza sweetly.

Shikaku rolled his eyes, and continued.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Shikaku still couldn't believe it. He'd passed the year with flying colours, and now, at ten years old, he was a genin. He'd been given his own forehead protector, which he had decided to tie round his arm. Inoichi and Chouza, who had both also passed, wore theirs on their foreheads, although Chouza didn't particularly want to as he didn't want to get rid of his headband.

Now Sensei was congratulating the group of fifteen genin who had passed that year. Some of them were from the clans – as well as him, Chouza and Inoichi, there were also a couple of kids from the Uchiha clan and a girl from the Hyuuga clan – and others weren't. The kid who'd come top of the class that year, Minato Namikaze, was one of them. Chouza had played football with him a couple of times and thought he was a nice kid, surprisingly down to earth despite his intelligence and skill, and Inoichi had seen him a few times at Yamanakas'. Shikaku wondered if Minato was going to be on their team.

Rumours were going round that the three former students of the Hokage himself were going to be leadng teams that year. The girls in the group wondered if Tsunade was going to be teaching them, while some of the boys prayed fervently that Jiraiya was going to be their sensei. It would have been preferable to Orochimaru, Jiraiya and Tsunade's creepy team mate, with his cadaverous skin and his fondness for snakes.

"...and Minato Namikaze. You're with Jiraiya."

Minato looked like he was about to leap onto his desk and start dancing. There were murmurs of "lucky" and "wow".

As Sensei continued to announce the teams, Inoichi was daydreaming again. Chouza was trying to unobtrusively eat a rice ball. Sensei wasn't too keen on his students eating in class, but Chouza didn't care. He needed to eat, and he was hungry again. He shoved the entire rice ball into his mouth and hoped Sensei wouldn't notice.

"And finally, Team 5: Inoichi Yamanaka, Chouza Akimichi, and Shikaku Nara."

Chouza almost choked on his rice ball, and began a coughing fit, spraying rice grains everywhere. Inoichi helpfully banged him on the back. Shikaku's jaw dropped.

_So these two are going to be my team mates,_ he thought. _For the next three years or so. Wow. This is going to be interesting..._

"Well, that's all," said Sensei, rolling up the scroll with the students' names on it. "You're all to wait here until your sensei comes to collect you. Good luck everyone."

Later, when the other twelve genin had left, Inoichi thought aloud that it was like a real-life version of that card game Shikaku had shown them. "We're all cards, aren't we?" he said. "_Ino_." He pointed at himself. "_Shika_." He pointed at Shikaku. "And _Chou_." He pointed at Chouza.

"You and your cards," said Chouza, laughing. "But then," he added, "it's a better name than Team 5, innit? Ino-Shika-Chou. Maybe _we'll_ get lots of points too."

"Why does it have to be Ino-Shika-Chou?" asked Inoichi. "Why not Shika-Chou-Ino?"

"Ino-Shika-Chou _sounds_ better," Chouza replied. "And I don't see why you're complaining, your name's first."

"Do I get to be leader then?"

"No you don't," said Shikaku and Chouza simultaneously.

And so it was that Team 5 became, unofficially, the first Ino-Shika-Chou trio.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

As soon as he woke up, Shikaku knew something had gone very badly wrong. There was a dull, throbbing ache in the back of his head; someone had tied him to a tree, with his hands bound to a branch above his head, so he couldn't reach for a kunai and cut himself free, and they'd also shoved a cloth in his mouth, so he couldn't call for help; and worst of all, Inoichi and Chouza were nowhere to be seen. Where were they? Were they alright? Had one of the other teams got to them?

He was somewhere in the Forest of Death, but didn't recognise where. All he could see was trees for miles around, their branches so tightly intertwined that they shut out the light. He tried to speak, but the cloth in his mouth muted the sound. It tasted stale and made his throat dry.

Inoichi and Chouza must have been separated from him somehow. Maybe he'd been ambushed. Shikaku cursed himself for being so stupid. He could have caught them with one of his shadow jutsu, but no, he had to let whoever-it-was creep up on him and knock him out. _Some shinobi you are,_ he scolded himself.

His head hurt. His ankles and waist hurt, where the ropes were digging in, and his arms were starting to go numb. His everything hurt. His head fell forward, and everything went dark again.

Shikaku was rudely awoken by something cold and wet on his face. Slowly, he opened his eyes. Two blurry figures stood over him. One big and red-haired, one small and blond. The small blond one was mopping Shikaku's head with what appeared to be a wet bandana.

His team mates.

"How...how did you...find me?" he managed to say.

Inoichi grinned. "I did _Shintenshin no Jutsu_ on a bird and I saw one of the other teams dragging you off and tying you to a tree. Then I went back in my body and me and Chouza went off to look for you. Took us a while, but I remembered the bird's route, and then I did _Shintenshin no Jutsu_ on another bird flying in the same direction, and that's how we found you." He poked Shikaku's nose. "You shouldn't have got lost like that, you twit. You must've taken the wrong turning or something. I thought you said you were good at orienteering 'cos your parents have the deer park?"

"I'm glad you woke up," Chouza said with a grin, "else I was going to piss on your face." Shikaku wasn't sure if he was joking or not. "You OK?"

"Barely," Shikaku said weakly. "Thanks, guys." A sudden thought struck him. "Have you still got the scroll?"

Chouza patted his jacket. "It's still in here, no worries. Once you've rested up, let's get to the tower."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Teamwork runs in the family, it seems," said Shikamaru with a smile. "We helped each other out in the Forest of Death too...not that it went very well, but still." Ino grimaced. "Don't remind me! That was back when me and Sakura were still fighting over Sasuke, and she gave herself a haircut after that Sound girl grabbed her hair, and then Sasuke went crazy and attacked the Sound team. I had to give Sakura a mini-makeover afterwards. In the Forest of Death, of all places."

Chouji glanced at his father, and noticed that he was frowning and his eyes were beginning to mist over. Evidently, mention of Tsume Inuzuka was still a bit of a sore point, even though she and Chouza had split up years before Hana, Kiba or Chouji were born.

"Dad?"

"Mmmm?"

"Are you OK?"

Chouza shook his head rapidly, like a wet dog shaking itself clean. "No, no, I'm fine. I was just lost in my own thoughts. The Chuunin Exams...like Inoichi said, Shikaku and I passed the second time, fortunately, just like you and Ino did. Gods, I was a mess afterwards. These two," he indicated Inoichi and Shikaku, "were great. You should have seen what they got me. I think it was Shikaku's idea, the cheeky bastard."

Team 10 were intrigued. "What was it?"

"Well," Chouza said, "I'll tell you."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Shikaku idly kicked up clouds of dust as he waited for Inoichi to finish gathering flowers from his mother's shop. He hoped Inoichi wasn't going to be long; his back and arms were killing him from all the food he was carrying.

Inoichi's mother was in conversation with the Hokage's wife, while a fat little toddler clung to her leg and sucked his thumb. Shikaku guessed that it was Asuma, the Hokage's small son; he'd seen him sitting on his father's lap at the Chuunin Exams. The kid's thumb seemed to be permanently in his mouth. Eventually, a small blond head appeared from the stock room door.

"Mum," Shikaku heard Inoichi say, "I'm off to see Chouza. The flowers're all done." Within seconds, he was beside Shikaku, a bunch of flowers in his arms.

"You really think Chouza would like flowers?" asked Shikaku doubtfully. "It's not like he can eat them."

"I thought they'd look nice," Inoichi countered. "Might cheer him up a bit."

The two boys made their way to Konoha hospital. Inoichi, who had never been there, was dazzled by the bright lights and white surfaces. Shikaku remembered being brought here by his dad after the birth of his twin sisters, and how he'd held a tentative finger out to the two little bundles in his mum's arms.

"We're here to see Chouza Akimichi," he announced to the receptionist. "Which ward's he on?"

"Idiot," whispered Inoichi. "We don't know if he's allowed visitors."

The receptionist typed Chouza's name into her computer and said, "Oh, Akimichi-sama's son. Came here after the Chuunin Exams...yes, he's on Ward 3." She smiled at Inoichi. "He's allowed visitors, but don't stay too long, will you? And don't give him too much food, we don't want him getting sick." She pointed to the corridor ahead of the boys and added, "Straight down the corridor, turn left, second on your right."

The two boys bowed, thanked the receptionist, and followed her directions to Ward 3, where Chouza lay in bed, his arms and chest swathed in bandages. Tsume and Kuromaru had done a good job of mauling and savaging him; Shikaku could see the stitches on Chouza's arms and face, and a couple of outlines of bite marks were still visible. The wavy purple lines on his cheeks, the markings of his clan, seemed more vivid than ever. He had a bandage wrapped around his forehead where his headband normally was, and his face was swollen and blotchy. He propped himself up on one elbow and said, "Hey, guys, thanks for coming."

"Ooh, they provided a vase," commented Inoichi, and dropped the flowers into it. "Wow, Tsume really did a number on you."

"Her and her bloody dog both," said Chouza, wincing at the pain of both the Inuzuka-inflicted injuries and the memory of the fight. "Did you bring any food? I'm hungry."

"Bags," smiled Shikaku. "I've got a surprise in there, by the way."

Inoichi picked up the vase and went in search of a source of water for the flowers, while Shikaku unpacked the bags. Chouza's eyes lit up. "Rice balls...crackers...Pocky...dango..._taiyaki_...pork buns...wow, Shikaku, you're amazing!" His face clouded over. "They probably won't let me eat it all, though."

"Then you'll just have to save it," said Shikaku sternly. "This cost me half my wages from this month."

"I'm ba-ack," sang Inoichi, booting the door in, a flower-filled vase in his arms. "So, Shikaku, what's the surprise?"

Shikaku took a kunai out of his pocket, ordered his team mates to close their eyes, and took the surprise out of the bag.

"Ta-da!"

Chouza and Inoichi opened their eyes, and Chouza burst out laughing, for Shikaku was holding a big, juicy pineapple. The resemblence between the two, Chouza thought, was uncanny.

"I was thinking we could share this," Shikaku said. He sliced off the spiky leaves at the top, the leaves that resembled his own spiky ponytail, and began to saw the pineapple in half. He scooped out juicy chunks of pineapple flesh, and apologised, "You're probably going to get juice all over the sheets."

"Who cares?" Chouza laughed. "This is such a cool present. Thanks, Pineapple. _Itadakimasu_!" And with that, the Ino-Shika-Chou trio began to eat the sweet, tangy pineapple flesh, licking the juice off their sticky fingers, each of them looking forward to the day when all three of them were chuunin.


End file.
